Who am I?
by EpoBlu
Summary: "The World never stopped loving you." Maybe the world never got the chance to start loving the infamous Quinn Fabray. This is my first fanfiction here so reviews are very much appreciated! Thanks- WARNING: mentions of suicide
1. chapter 1

_Quinn Fabray is perfect_

The irony in that statement. If only everyone knew.

-x-

Lucy Quinn Fabray.

Born of Judy and Russell Fabray. Younger sister to Frannie. The perfect family. The family that everyone looks at and immediately wants what they have. If only they knew.

If only they knew that Judy is a barely-functioning drunk, never able to tear her hand away from the tempting glass of alchohol.

If only they knew that since little Lucy was 7, her father brought it upon himself to 'prepare' lucy for the world. Raised under strict Catholic views and the blinding hits from her Father.

-x-

Lucy Caboosey

When Lucy first started school, she saw school as a safe haven, free from the emotional and physical abuse of her home-life.

Oh what a rude awakening.

She wanted to be herself. At home, everything she did was to try and see pride in her daddy's eyes. It never came.

So at school, she wanted freedom. She finally felt at home when she was reading her books.

But like all good things, it has to end.

The other kids at school noticed she was different. They noticed that her nose was odd-looking. Pointed out how she had such a massive amount of useless fat. And she began down the path of self-hatred. Killed a blossoming plant before it could flower. The final action, get rid of the name given to her by all her tormentors.

-x-

Quinn Fabray.

Just moved due to her daddy's job. With the new person she became, came new people to judge her every action. So she tried to be perfect. Whats a little eating disorder in the big scheme of things. Does getting a nose job really affect that much. Does the crave for approval from everyone she meets really change how she acts?

-x-

HBIC Quinn Fabray.

Head Cheerleader. Captain of the Celibacy Club. Girlfriend of the Quarterback. The prettiest, most popular girl in school.

Except she was missing something.

She wanted someone to care about her.

 _She had Finn._

But did she really? She noticed how he stared at Rachel long before Glee Club. How he never remembered the simplest of things.

 _She had Santana and Brittany._

But once again, did she? They were best friends ever since meeting at that cheer camp. But the start of sophmore year also brought upon the start of something new. She didn't miss how they looked at each other. She felt herself slipping away long before it happened.

 _Then she got pregnant._

Noah Puckerman had come over to clean her, wait no sorry, _Russell's_ , pool. She had been fretting all day, thinking she was gaining weight, so He slipped her wine coolers. She felt herself letting go. She struggled to get a grip at everything fading away from her, but it was too late. So the least she coukd do was make sure there would be no evidence, right? Except she trusted Puck the one time he couldn't be trusted. But hey, at least she wasn't fat.

-x-

That Pregnant girl.

Slut. Cheater. Sinner.

She had everything taken from her, so she tried to hold on to Finn. He was safe right? But the truth came out. The truth always comes out.

Now she had no Finn. No Unholy Trinity. No family. No house. No popularity. She completely changed herself so she could have it all, but now look at her. But it's all okay, because having a bunch of people who hate you sing some songs to you just makes _everything_ better, right?

-x-

The new and improved Quinn Fabray... right?

She felt a hole in her chest now. She felt alone and empty. So she did what she does best and buries it i side of her. Finds comfort in the familiar sense of starving. With her dad no longer there, she finds the pain she knows she deserves from the blade of a razor. No one notices. Either they don't see it through her impeccable make-up talent from covering up bruises throughout the years, or they just don't care.

She believes that her 'friends' in glee just don't care.

-x-

So she dates Sam. And she likes him. However, once she realizes _why_ she likes him, she can't handle it, and finds Finn to screw it all up.

And why does Quinn like Sam? Because Sam is Nerdy. Guess who else was nerdy. _Lucy._

-x-

It's not so much the fact that Finn broke up with her that shatters her world. It's the moment that she realizes what he said is true.

 _"Do you even, FEEL ANYTHING ANYMORE?!"_

The answer? No. No she doesn't. And her world crumbles.

-x-

She breaks down in front of Santana and Brittany in New York.

She finally lets out that she just wants somebody to love her. She doesn't say how she doesn't think she deserves it, though.

Whats their solution?

A fucking haircut.

-x-

She comes home from New York with Judy waiting for her at the door, mentioning how Mr. Schue called asking if everyhing was alright, that Quinn seemed out of it.

 _So now they care._

-x-

Quinn Fabray turns off her phone for the summer. She begins to stay out late, and leave early in the mornings. Judy would later find out she was hanging with the Skanks. Smoking on a street corner and getting drunk all day. Wishing the pain away. Except, for one of the skanks, she wanted the pain. She just wanted to feel _something._ But more importantly? Quinn wanted someone to notice. To be proven that the glee club, or even Mr. Schuester, cared.

-x-

They didn't. Instead, she felt even worse. She falls further in her descent.

 _Lose the Skank **act** already._

 _You only care about one person in this world, **and that's yourself.**_

 _What happened to you? Are you even in Glee Club?_

 _Stop playing the Victim Card._

 _ **Grow Up.**_

 _Since Day one, you have done nothing but **sabotage** the same Glee Club that has **been there for you** over and over again._

 _Now you're a train wreck? Well **congratulations**._

 _ **I don't care about you,** I care about her._

The voices scream at her in her head. Deafening. Blinding. She is so far gone she can't even see any trace of the path anymore.

-x-

She takes a shaky step forward. Left, right. Left, right.

All the way until she is out of the building. She numbly continues her journey to her house. She looks at her phone.

 _2:15._

Her mom will be home as 3z

She has to hurry.

As she is running home, she looks at her arms and realizes something.

 _She didn't cover them up today._

And the thought that sticks with her, convincing her to do this?

 ** _Nobody even cared._**

-x-

She makes it home.

 _2:30_

Only 30 minutes. She has be quick.

It isn't like she hasn't thought about this before.

So she takes her pre-written letter out from under her mattress and props it up on her bed.

Quinn runs down the stairs, almost falling, to the medicine cabinet. She opens it, and dozens of pill containers fall out. She doesn't care enough to read them, so she grabs them all. She grabs a bottle of water, and bounds up the stairs again.

-x-

Judy Fabray enters the house at exactly 3:00, no more, no less. She sees her daughter's bag laying haphazardly on the ground, so she calls up to her.

"Quinn? Are you there?"

She gets no reply. Sighing, Judy makes her way up to Quinn's room. When she opens the door, she immediately collapses to tears.

 ** _To be continued._**

-x-

Please review and comment if you want the next chapter! Thanks for reading! Sorry that the format is a bit odd. I wrote it one way but when published the format changed completely. Hopefully it still makes sense.


	2. Chapter 2

Monday afterschool, the glee club was assembled. Nothing was out of the ordinary, why would it be? That was until both Shelby and Sue walked in.

"What are you two doing here? This is a Glee rehearsal," Mr. Shue inquired. It was Sue who answered him.

"I don't know what you are talking about, Figgins told us both to come down here."

Before Will could ask further questions, Principal Figgins walked in with Ms. Pillsbury and Judy Fabray.

Mercedes was the first to call out,

"Why is she here? Her daughter isn't even in glee anymore"

Figgins spoke up in response,

"Ms. Fabray has something to say here, and I ask that you leave all questions till the end. Afterwards, Ms. Pillsbury is free to you if you need to talk."

After he said this, Judy took a tentative step forward. She cleared her throat before speaking up.

"Um, as you know, my daughter Quinn has been a bit of an, uh, a mess? At first I just thought it was some rebellious act, I don't really know. But then one day this summer, she left the house early in the morning, and didn't come back until 2 days later, so wasted she could bately stand."

She breaks up her speech with a cough to disguise herself pulling herself together.

"I came home from work this past Friday to a silent house. Normally she would be blasting some sort of music, but there was no music this time. So I went up to her room, to just make sure she was in fact home, you know? But I opened the door, and she was just there. Lying on her bed unconcious, with a couple empty bottles of pills around her."

The moment the words were out of her mouth, all of the kids reacted. Santana, Brittany, Noah, Kurt, and Tina began to cry. Finn, Rachel, Mercedes, and Mike sat there numbly, as if they were denying what they heard. Sam and Blaine were both trying to be strong for everyone else. Then there were the teachers. Sue's reaction was a mixture of all; Sue always felt very close to Quinn. Shelby was sat in disbelief, while Will just felt guilty.

 _Friday. That was the day he shouted at her._

"I called an ambulance, and they loaded her up and sent her straight to the Emergency Room. I don't hink I will ever be able to get the image of her lying there so lifeless and lp out of my head. Right now, she is in a coma, and the doctors don't know if she will wake up. All I ask, is that you all visit her, try and bring her back to me. We all failed her when she needed us, we can't fail her now."

With that, she pulled out a couple pieces of paper.

"They aren't suicide notes. But, it seems lime she just wrote down everything that was going through her head. You can read them when you're ready."

Afterwards, she tearily stepped out of the room, presumably to drive to the hospital.

 _The Hospital. This is real. Quinn tried to kill herself. We all failed her. This is happening._

Mr. Schue picked up the pieces of paper,

"We have to know guys."

Everyone just nodded their head, too distraught to argue.

Will began to read the papers.

"It's just, uh, it seems to be a poem? Here we go."

"I'm selfish,

I'm crazy.

Today the world seems,

Just empty and lazy.

I don't feel the tears,

As they flow down my cheek.

Shouldn't I feel something?

After such a crazy week.

Everyone judges,

Just all seem to hate me.

Now Im drowning,

Never to escape this sea.

I'm not perfect,

I'm tired of pretending.

Memories flash by,

As if it's all ending."

The writing is very messy, when usually Quinn's handwriting is neat. It's as if she didn't even recognize she was writing and just wrote what came to mind. A moment of silence follows.

Mercedes was the first to speak up,

"We all thought she was just desperate for attention. But the skank act? She just wanted help." She managed to get out before breaking down sobbing.

Puck bolts out of his seat grabbing his bag, running to the door.

"Puck what are you doing!" Finn shouts at him.

"I'm going to see her. I don't know about you guys, but I need to see her, make sure she is still alive, apologize, beg for forgiveness, anything but just _sitting_ here!"

With that he slammed the door behind him, making a beeline for his car.

 **-X-x-x-x-X-**

 **An:**

Next chapters will be the different glee clubbers visiting comatose Quinn at the hospital. Review!

-Thanks-


	3. Chapter 3: Puck's Visit

Puck entered the hospital doors, not knowing what he was going to find.

 _Come on Baby Mama, you can't quit on me now._

He ran right up to the receptionist desk, practically screaming,

"What room is Quinn Fabray in?!"

"I'm sorry young man, but there is not a Quinn Fabray here"

A switch flipped on inside his head like a lightswitch.

"Lucy Fabray! Lucy Quinn Fabray! Please!"

The receptionist typed the name in the computer, replying,

"Room 215. It's down the hall, take a right, and the second door on the left."

"Thank you Miss!" He replied out of breath, and began to run in the direction he was given. He got to the room, and peered in through the small window, trying to prepare himself. He didn't see anyone besides Judy in the room, so he opened the door and braced for impact.

"Mrs. Fabray?" He asked quietly.

Judy's head whipper to him, and saw him standing there in the doorway. Slowly her mouth formed into a small grin, but it understandablly never actually reaches her eyes.

"Hi Noah. Please, come sit."

Puck gently stepped into the room, sitting down on a chair next to Quinn's mom, and reached out to grab Quinn's limp hand. She looked so small on the bed, and it made him wonder just how bad things had gotten.

"Thank you for coming Noah, I ca-"

"I'm sorry," he said, cutting Judy off mid-sentence.

"I'm so sorry," he repeated himself, this time whispering.

"This is _not_ your fault Noah. If anything, it is _mine._ "

She replied, her voice cracking on the last word.

"What if it is both?"

Judy looked down at the ground in silence,

"And now we may never know."

Puck leaned forward, taking his head in his hands, squeezing his eyes shut, as if this wasn't all real; just a figment of his imagination.

"I let her down. We all did, but me? Oh god, I told her I loved her after she gave birth to Beth. Did she tell you what I did? I ignored her for the better part of last year. She was grieving, and so was I, but I thought that she didn't want me around!"

Puck knew he was becoming more hysterical with every second that passed, but he couldn't find it in him to care.

"If only that drunken night never happened," he muttered into the empty air.

"No."

"What do you mean, 'no', if I hadn't gotten her pregnant, none of this would have happened!"

Judy looked as if she was on the verge of tears, and he briefly wondered why she was holding them back.

"Don't you get it!? Quinn was always very fragile. She always pretended that everything was okay, that rverything was just perfect! She never, she never let anybody in. The first time I ever genuinely smile? Talking about how the Glee Club performed Lean On Me to her and Finn."

Noah Puckerman can honestly say he was taken aback. However, he let her continue, knowing that Mrs. Fabray had to get this off her chest, as well as because he had to know.

"Quinn always took it upon herself to make everyone think she was strong, to think that she was what they wanted to be. Her getting pregnant? It devastated her, but it gave her a chance to let the world see the real her."

Noah decided it was this point he had to voice what he was thinking,

"So what are you saying? That you would rather you have your daughter like this than have her healthy but not truly her? Atleast she would be walking around right now."

Judy was full-on crying at this point.

"What I am _saying,_ is that she would have ended up like this either way."

"No! Sh-"

"Let me finish Noah!" She all but shouted at him. His eyes widened in shock, but he nodded nonetheless.

"Bottling things up all the time? Constantly pretending to be someone she's not? You really think she would have been any better? Atleast this way, we were able to see the real her, even if it _was_ just glimpses"

Judy leaned back, exhausted, and closed her eyes. Her shoulders began to shake as she tried to stiffle her sobs.

"How did I never realize, even just notice all this?" He whispered, replaying every moment of the past couple of years in his head, searching for all the clues.

"She had always been good at hiding things, and she has been doing it for a long time." Judy had opened her eyes again by now, and was currently staring at Quinn's face, with a seemingly blank expression.

"She gets it from you. Atleast some of it."

"I know. I know. And I regret it everyday of my life."

 **AN:**

 **IMPORTANT: This is most likely going to be a Quick fic, just warning all you Faberry shippers. However, if wanted, there will be Faberry moments.**

 **Comment who you want to visit the hospital next!**

As always;

-Thanks for Reading-


	4. Chapter 4: Santana's visit

As Santana walks through the busy halls of the hospital, she feels like a stranger. She knows all the workers here, as her dad is a top surgeon, but her mind is everywhere that she can't bring herself to focus on remembering names of people she met maybe once.

After Puckerman ran off to the hospital, Glee club seperated. Some went to seek out Mrs. Pillsbury, while others went home to cry. The parents were waiting, as all parents at McKinley had been notified that morning of what had occures. Santana just felt _numb._

Thought were racing through her mind while she dropped Brittany off at her house. She sat in her car for an hour, staring into the trees as if to harness their life.

That was, of course, until she got a text from Puck telling her the room number and to get her sorry ass over there.

 _Classic Puckerman_

She was expecting more of the glee club to have shown up. She knew many of them didn't care all that much for Quinn like she and Puck had, but she thought they would atleast show their faces. So when she knocked on the door while opening it, she was surprised to see the only visitor was Puck, who quickly explained that Judy went home to take a shower and make a couple phone calls.

"Anything change?" She asked, knowing that Puck would ahve taken it upon himself to know all the details.

"Nothing. The doctors say the only thing they can do is wait and see."

"Well that's reassuring..." Santana mutters under her breath. However, Puck still heard.

"It's better than her being six fet under," he snapped before he could hold it back.

Santana looked to the ground, her long dark hair covering her face.

"Sorry," he utters, "I guess I'm just on edge."

Santana nods in response, "I understand."

Puck shuffles in his seat a bit.

"Do you think she knew we loved her? We treated her like shit last year, even when she was pregnant."

Santana sighed, running her hand through her hair,

"I hope so, I really hope so."

A silence overcame the two.

Suddenly, Puck stood up,

"I'm going to grab a bite to eat from the cafeteria, do you want anything?" Santana just shook her head in response.

He left the room, leaving Santana alone with Quinn.

She immediately reached to grab Quinn's hand, hating how it felt so lifeless.

"I'm sorry," she whispered to the unresponsive blonde.

"I thought, that being tough on you? That it would toughen you up. Give you strength, and add to your fire. I should have known, I could have figured it out, that you just needed someone to be there for you. You needed a best friend that would comfort you and hold you while you cried." Santana used her free hand to wipe at the gathering tears in her eyes.

"And I am just so sorry that I couldn't. That I failed to see what you needed until it was too late. I am the _worst_ best friend, if I can even call myself that anymore." She added, sniffing at the end.

Santana Lopez was not one for crying, but she knew that she needed to go through some changes if Quinn made it through. She knew that she can't go on treating her _friends_ like she _hates_ them.

"I thought I was protecting you at the time, you know? I got so mad when you were getting all attached to Puck sophomore year because I didn't want you to get your heart broken."

Santana couldn't help but to let out a small sob at this point.

"But now look. Noah is the only one here who cared enough, and if I hadn't kept him from you maybe this whole mess could have ended differently."

Santana couldn't help but feel guilty. She knew that it wasn't just her fault, but she couldn't stop herself from thinking that if she had been a better person to Quinn, all the other bad stuff that happened could have been avoided.

"Q? I know you probably can't hear me right now, but if you can, can you promise me something? If, sorry no, _when_ you pull through this, promise me that if someone treats you badly, you will tell me so I can beat them, okay? I know that me doing that isn't going to solve all your problems, Q, but it's a start right?"

Santana gripped onto Quinn's hand for what felt like eternity, until he dad came in and told her she should head home, that her mom had dinner prepared. Santana stole one more glance at Quinn, before nodding her head, and threw herself into her dad's waiting embrace.

"Dad, why do horrible things happen to good people?"

"Well San, it's like picking a flower. When you pick a flower, it ends up killing it, but we still pick the best ones, don't we?"

Santana cried quietly the entire ride home, cursing whichever higher being it was that decided Quinn was the best flower.

-X-x-x-x-X-

 ** _AN:_**

I'm thinking Sue next, what do you all think? As always review and;

-Thanks for Reading-


	5. Chapter 5: Sue's visit

It was way past visiting hours when Sue decided to visit. The news had hit her hard, and she wanted alone time with Quinn, so she snuck in after midnight.

When Sue heard the news, she felt immense pain and numbness, enough to even be compared to when she lost her sister. The last conversation the two had with each other was when Sue manipulated Quinn into being apart of her campaign, only for Quinn to get ripped to shreds my Will.

 _What if she never gets another conversation? Never gets a chance to tell her how much she means to her?_

The moment Sue walked through the hospital room door, the only noise that could be heard were the machines busy keeping the young blonde alive.

 _Well, skank now. She isn't a blonde anymore._

Seeing Quinn like that, it sparks memories. She remembers the first day she met Quinn. She remembers how the young girl looked so frightened for a split second when she entered, but immediately put if the brave facade. She remembers wanting to know more about the girl, put pushed the feeling aside in order to maintain her reputation.

 _Reputation._

That's a big thing the two women have in common. The strive to be ontop so intense, it is given the power to be able to take away everything from them. The difference, is that Quinn lost that battle, while Sue did not.

Sue wonders if Quinn still would have broken down if she had never gotten pregnant. She wonders if Quinn would have made a different mistake, that still determined her life for her like the one she made did.

And so as Sue stands near the doorway, watching Quinn's chest rise and fall as to show that she was in fact still alive, Sue feels tears silently run down her cheeks. The last time she had cried was at Jean's funeral. So why now? Because Sue reminisces in all the moments missed with Quinn. All the things that could have been. She relives every moment where Sue saw how broken the girl was, yet refused to believe it.

All the times that she called Quinn by some other name than her real name come flashing back to her. All the times that she _used_ Quinn Fabray, and how she had nothing in her to fight it.

She remembers what Quinn told her, that fatefull moment in the bathroom that seems like ages ago.

 _"I've got nothing left to lose."_

Now she wishes she paid attention more. She wishes she saw the signs. She wishes she treated the girl better.

She remembers being amazed by Quinn's insane drive. She remembers thinking about if something was going on at home when she saw what looked like a bruise on her face under concealer. She pretended not to notice when she saw signs of eating problems.

When Quinn rejoined the Cheerios sophomore year, Sue remembers seeing lines on the girls arms, but forcing herself to think she must have been attacked by a cat or something.

 _Attacked by a cat? Really Sue?_

Now she remembers the look on Quinn's face when she had exited Will's office. She ignored it, focusing instead on telling some lie to him about how it didn't record. But she remembers the face. It was void of any emotion, and her eyes seemed blank. And it did record. Will's speech? She was playing it on repeat the entire drive over to the hospital. Not wanting to believe that it was her fault that Quinn got talked to like that. Not wanting to believe that Quinn just absorbed all the lies Will said, how she took them to heart and believed she had never done anything right.

Quinn was told she was ungrateful and selfish that day. But now that every memory and thought has aligned in front of her, Sue realizes that _she_ is the selfish one. She saw that Quinn had become a train wreck. Instead of getting her help, she got her to do something that ended up catapulting her into a deeper and darker hole.

"Hey Q," she finally said, her voice quiet and sad.

"Remember when I told you that you've never looked worse? Well I take that back now, cause I think this is the worst I've ever seen you," Sue said, choking up as she finished the sentence.

"You can't give up on me like this Q. I know I haven't acted the part, but I feel as if you are my only family left."

Now she wishes she could say this to Quinn when she is awake to hear it.

"In your sophomore year, when you were trying out for my Cheerios again, I told you that you let me down."

Sue wiped her eye, refusing to accept just how much Quinn meant to her.

"I was wrong again, Q, _I_ was the one that let _you_ down."

If Quinn Fabray could hear her, Sue knew that Quinn knew that was as close to apologizing that Sue had been in a long, long time.

"Believe it or not, I need you Quinn. I don't know if I can make it through without you anymore."

With that, Sue Sylvester exited the room, jumped in her car, and sat in silence for the better part of the hour.


End file.
